Zeke Polken didn’t mean to throw the rock at the baby. He’s not sadistic. The stone just slipped out of his hand. Accidents happen. But try telling that to the angry Frenchman whose baby just missed getting a rock to the head.

 

Although Zeke took French since 7th grade, his five years of French weren’t enough to talk his way out of a headlock.

 

“This huge dude who was related to the baby probably, covered in tattoos, really buff, facial hair, really scary looking, came over to me, put me in a headlock for about ten seconds, and raised his fist,” Zeke said. “He was about to punch me in the nose or something, and started yelling at me in French. I did not know what to say because I couldn’t get out of it. I could barely speak French!”

 

While the stone didn’t actually hit the baby, it was close. And Zeke was even closer to getting hit himself by the big Frenchman.

 

As Zeke’s life was flashing before his eyes, things got even more chaotic. His teacher was trying to peel the parasitic Frenchman off him, and his classmates were panicking and, if that wasn’t enough, the baby’s mother was screaming in French at Zeke’s teacher.

 

“Soon the guy just retreated away, and then everybody started crying,” Zeke said. “It was probably the worst experience of my life, actually.”

 

No one ended up getting pummeled, but one thing’s for sure: Zeke isn’t planning on skipping stones again any time soon.

 

“I haven’t been by a body of water since!”